just some thoughts about life, death, and love

it's been an interesting past month and a half (all firsts):
        was diagnosed with cancer. had surgery to remove the cancerous tumor in left leg. experiencing and professing love for a girl. found out that i have another lump in my right leg and that it's most likely another cancerous tumor.

thoughts on cancer (of life):

when one is faced with cancer (or any experience involving close proximity to mortality), the obvious questions arise:

1)  what's most important in life?
2)  if there is one sentence that you could leave for all of posterity, what would it be?

without hesitation, i would say that these are my answers:

1)  loving God (ie. Father/Son/Holy Spirit) and loving others
2)  don't regret not loving

so, what does loving God and loving others look like? i like what apostle Paul says in philippians chapter 1, verses 20-26:
    I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.
    For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
    If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!
    I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;
but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
    Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,
    so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

with whatever life God will give me (from this point on), i would hopefully be able to live for others for their joy in the knowledge of Christ. not sure in what capacity but not to worried about that.  :)


thoughts on cancer (of death):


the grave is greedy and death is never satisfied.  (referenced habakkuk 2:5)

once you strip away the pride, the status, the relationships, the clothes, the melanin, we are all the same. what's left over? guess that depends on what one treasures in this lifetime.

i like what habakkuk says:

habakkuk 3:17-19
   Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
   yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.



in this lifetime, if everything (minus my faith) is taken away, i hope there will be rejoicing (which will be proportional to my faith).

when this life is finished, whether due to cancer or not, then there will definitely be rejoicing (where faith will then be sight).

thoughts on love:


experiencing romance for the first time is probably, so far, the best human experience i've come across (i say this being a 30 year-old male who hasn't experienced too much in my life - some could argue against this statement in that i have experienced a bit). perhaps seeing my first kid pop out of my wife might top it, i dunno. i have a strong feeling that being a human will get better with age anyways.


as much as i believe that romance (ie. loving a girl and receiving love from a girl) is such an awesome experience, there are undoubtedly times where i do not feel (and will not be) fulfilled in this relationship (and this definitely applies to me not being able to fulfill my cutey g/f's needs as well). thanks to the Holy Spirit for being the glue in the relationships of God-fearing couples.


anyways, big props to Jesus for really fulfilling all the desires for love! for guys, once you get past jesus being a dude (--> more soul to soul, really), you see He's so cool - unconditional love! demonstrated love by actions, not just words! He's true to His word! He's utterly enamored with his bride (namely the church - which includes me).

thanks Jesus!  love yah!

which leads me to the general point of:  if a boy and girl are both loving on Jesus and receiving His love, then they will be loving on each other.

first entry

started another blog as a continuation of my xanga blog by request of a special person in my life who is smarter/wiser than me (plus, perhaps people might be blessed thru some of my writing, i dunno).

not sure why this is better than xanga... oh well. perhaps cuz i think it's owned by google and somehow i think that consolidating all my web/non-web apps is a good thing (in the long run, we'll all be dependent on the dark side (ie. the empire (ie. google))).