the goings-on of a regular guy: 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

another bump in the road

fractured my femur near my right knee last week cuz i slipped in the shower. :(

good times!

Friday, October 8, 2010

life update #19 (quasi-normality)

Dennis Yi

Mon, Oct 4, 2010 at 11:15 PM

hey friends and family

wanted to update ya'll as to what's been goin on lately.

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physical stuff

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finished my radiation treatment almost 2 months ago. i got zapped with high doses of xrays close to 38 times over an 8 week time span. as a result, i went through the common slew of symptoms: fatigue, skin irritation like swelling, blistering, itching, and scabbing - a lot in the nether regions (i might add...). i can't say i enjoyed the treatment, BUT, i can say it was good getting to know the oncologist and the staff at the office. good people with unique stories. :)

the peak of the pain and discomfort occurred a few days after the last day of my treatment because the adverse effects of the treatment are delayed (ie. kinda like how a sunburn burns or is sore after the actual burn). i haven't experienced much physical pain in my life (few broken bones and 2 surgeries) but i'd say that radiation burn is up there. Good times! :O

one good thing about the human body, however, is that it is quite resilient (for the most part). so, my skin healed up after a few weeks from the radiation burn and i am currently pain-free. i still need to regain my leg strength and flexibility but there isn't any pain when i stand or sit down or stretch (i suppose things we take for granted). i'm thankful to God for designing the human body to heal itself when there is some sort of incurred physical trauma. as long as the cancer doesn't come back, i should be able to resume most normal physical activities without too much trouble (minus full-contact sports and using thighmasters).

there were a few times during the healing process after the radiation had finished when i was rather frank with God and quietly cried out to Him saying, "I didn't want what you allowed to happen." i didn't necessarily get an answer nor was i expecting one. i think it was my terse way of saying that the past 9 or so months have been hard. in the end, He is God and knows what's best for me (and everyone involved) and i was still sincerely thankful for Him always being there for me.

as for next steps, i'm scheduled for a PET CT (ie. full-body scan) in mid-November to see if the cancer is still present or not. we're hoping that it's all zapped and good and gone. :)

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finance stuff

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so, as most of you know, i was expecting to have a LOT of medical debt in the near and extended future. i satirized my financial condition in my last update when i cheerfully welcomed myself into the average US citizen's predicament of debt. well, as i was getting used to the idea of having debt for the rest of my life, i needed to find out how i was going to pay off this debt and therefore was in communication with the financial group at Stanford to try and get on a 20 year payment plan or something. after playing phone tag with mr. P for a few weeks, we finally were able to connect.

if i recall, the conversation occurred a little before my radiation treatment finished. i don't remember exactly how the conversation went but it went something like this (not kidding):

mr. Yi - "hey mr. P, how's it goin? sorry we've been playing phone tag. so, what's the damage?"

mr P - "mr. Yi, after reviewing your financial assistance application and case, we determined that you would be eligible for the 80% discount for services rendered at Stanford hospital for your 2nd surgery and services thereafter."

mr. Yi - "wha...?"

(silence)

mr. P - "Yesss... you currently have a balance of zero dollars with Stanford Hospital. We will also be sending you a reimbursement check after we adjust the fees with the new discount. You should be receiving the check in the beginning of september."

mr. Yi - (silence)

mr. Yi - "sooo?............ lemme get this straight.......................... i have zeRO? balance with.. you guys?! i currently have NOH? balance with you guys?!

mr. P - "yes, mr. Yi, that is correct."

mr. Yi - "waitwaitwait......... you're TELLInggg meeEEEEE?! that i don't OWeeEEE?? you guys aaA-NY?! ma-NEY?!!!?

mr. P - "yes, that is correct. We will also be sending you a check after adjustments are made."

mr. Yi - "waitwaitwait........... i have ZeerrOO? balancE? AnnnnNNDDDD? you'll be sending me A CHECK?!??!!!

mr. P - "yes, that is correct".

mr. Yi - (silence) "that's ridiculous!! uhhhhhhhhhhh, i totally wasn't expecting this...... uhhhhhhhhhh. Thank you so much...!"

mr. P - (slight chuckle) "you are welcome mr. yi."

mr. Yi - "wowowowowow. weird!"

mr. P - "is there anything else that i can help you with?"

mr. Yi - "no. wow! thank you again!"

mr. P - "you are welcome, you have a nice day!"

mr. Yi - "thanks! you too!"

so, as i write this update email, i have zERO balance with Stanford and we actually received the reimbursement check from Stanford already.

i thank God for this blessing.

one thing that i'd like to share tho, is that, even before this blessing came to me and my family, i had arrived at a place where i was going to praise God no matter what the circumstances. i think that receiving this blessing didn't make me love God more because He's already demonstrated His love for me by sending His son, jesus, to die for me. i'm not sure if this makes sense or not. :P

one more thing that i'd like to share which i thought was pretty cool was a simple prayer that i prayed at the beginning of all this medical stuff in my life. i prayed that there would be enough.

well, i haven't calculated the exact costs of all the medical expenses, but, after a rough calculation, everything seems to be taken care of. all the donations from friends and family (thank you!!) combined with the reimbursement check from Stanford have literally taken care of just enough for all my Stanford medical expenses (ie. 1st and 2nd surgeries). i do think God works in ways we don't understand but in this case, i believe that He DID answer my prayer in that there was enough. some of the donations and the most recent reimbursement check were used to pay back my uncle and mom most of what they put in to my treatment. (btw, if you have any questions about the finances, don't hesitate to ask jason or myself because i wanna try to be as transparent as possible with what you all have entrusted me with).

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thanks!

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i wanted to thank everyone for journeying with me these past several months and being generous with your time, prayers, finances, and love for me and my family and julia.

i thank God for always being there - in the good times and bad.

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til next time

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this'll probably be my last update for at least a couple months. i'll probably send one after the results of the PET CT just to keep ya'll in the loop.

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julia's journey

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i asked julia to share her side of the story since she had written about her journey of the past several months. she isn't normally comfortable being so transparent but we both feel that God will be glorified through her story. plus, her side of the story is from the perspective of those loving and caring for those who are hurting for whatever reason. perhaps, her story can encourage some of you as you see loves ones going through disease and trials. (see attached pdf doc - not gonna publish this cuz it's public...).

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prayer requests

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just one last one for now... my buddy jose is going through chemo treatment for a really nasty cancer (mine was a walk in the park compared to his). please pray for healing of body and soul for him when you can.

with love

dennis

Friday, September 3, 2010

growin pains

it’s an interesting thing knowing that God will be with you. like, really knowing what that means.

shadrach, meshach, and abnego, (and daniel?) knew that God was with them. however, they didn’t know whether or not Jesus would be there in the fire to literally save them.

the apostles knew that Jesus was with them but they all died as martyrs (jesus didn’t save them from their gruesome deaths).

in both cases, God was with them. their physical lives were eventually taken away, but, jesus saved all of them from eternal death.

i’ve been through the good and bad in life and know that God is with me (a thought that i wish were nailed down in my mind but is usually elusive).

as a result of knowing that God is with me, there is a confidence that is sourced not on my own merit or wisdom (because, for all intensive purposes, i have nothing to be confident about - at least in my mind).

i once remarked to julia that if a husband had a good and completely supportive wife, then he could amount to anything; he could be SUPERMAN. well, i’m moving further away from that idea and moving towards this (being refined) idea: that i can be who God is making me to be (and be confident in that) because He is with me.

as i progress into the knowledge of knowing that God is with me, my immediate resulting Peter’esque enthusiasm would incline me to believe that i can stop bullets with my bulletproof chest of faith. however, i realize that this doesn’t mean that God will stop the bullets (He can tho because He’s God).

i feel like a kid sometimes (even as a 30 year old) in things that i do now. i can imagine me in my cape and climbing the wall to the roof. i can imagine me thinking that i really am superman and jumping off. i can imagine me hitting the ground. my heavenly father (ie. dad) is there to pick me up and wipe the grass off my clothes and bandage me up (or even take me to the hospital).

i’m a kid now and i’m making mistakes. and God is with me. He’s growing me to be a man (will take some time) and i will make mistakes in the process. God is with me. He will grow me to be like jesus where i will reminisce about the mistakes i've gone through. God is with me.

this is my confidence: that God is with me in the good and bad; in cancer and no cancer; in life and death; in happy times and bad times; in joy and in depression; in wealth and in poverty; in hunger and in pain; and in mistakes and no mistakes.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

life update #18 (mah butt's on fire!)

Dennis Yi

Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 10:55 PM

hi hi!

long time no update. been chugging along over here. :P

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physical status

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i've been going through radiation treatment and i'm on my 6th week or so. i think i have 6 days left. the treatment has started to take its toll on me as i am a little fatigued physically and mentally nowadays but i can do most things that i need to do - just at a much slower pace and with a lot less energy. :P

the areas that are getting zapped are also getting a little raw - like the scar area along my inner thigh and as collateral damage, the hole in my gluteous maximus and mah right butt cheek. :O i have to put aloe vera in these areas every few hours. the rawness is like getting a bad sunburn - you can imagine the skin becoming irritated, itchy, and sore. good times. :)

i'm almost walking normally but no marathons in the near future (thank God!).

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general life

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it's been really good spending time at home with my mom and brother. i think it's the first time that i've specifically observed where we, as a family, can be ourselves and not fear when my dad would get upset. i dunno how to say that without making my late father look "bad" because his intentions were usually good, just his personality lent itself to anger. it's a blessing to not have any fear in any family i think.

i'm getting back to playing drums on occasion at the bible study at my local church. i truly love music and my heart is to worship God and i do want to use what skills God has blessed me with to bless others.

started driving a few days ago. i have a little more freedom now since i can drive. :)

by God's grace, julia and i are doing well in our relationship. i think we've been trying to keep Christ at the center of our relationship instead of the circumstances and ourselves (although difficult at times because the circumstances are seemingly BIG and our (if not just my) selfish desires are veritably BIGGER).

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finances

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still have an existing stanford balance that needs to be paid off (eventually). stanford is still deliberating on their end to see if they can assist in any way or get me on a payment plan or something. :O not too worried about this too much cuz i know God will provide somehow and plus, i can join the ranks of millions? of americans who already have debt. yay debt!

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immediate future

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looking into trying to finish my masters in electrical engineering this fall starting at the end of august and if i can cram enough, i might be able to get my degree by this december. we'll see how that pans out since i was actually trying to finish my masters this past spring semester when i was diagnosed with the sarcomas. i hope i don't get thrown another curve ball.

so, after radiation treatment is finished, i'll eventually have to do another ctscan or mri or other diagnostic test to see if the cancer is all gone or has come back. God-willing, hopefully all of it will be zapped. :P

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thanks

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i thank God for getting us through thus far

thanks everyone for your love and prayers and support!

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prayer request

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that God would minimize the burning and discomfort

that God would zap all the cancer

that God would be glorified in the end

with love

dennis

Thursday, July 8, 2010

random thoughts

getting over a depressive bout the past couple days. it wasn’t too fun. depression is a hopeless void that spirals deeper and deeper to it’s victim (for those of you who don’t go through it - as i’m aware that some people actually don’t fall into depression....weird).

i think the trigger was me seeing the old MRI pictures of my right leg and how the cancer basically ravaged at least 1/3 of the diameter of it. it surely isn’t fun when confronted with the disease that is trying to kill you. this cancer is a mountain that i have to face.

to compound it, i have a $95k medical bill. been trying to contact a stanford financial counselor to let him know that it’ll be impossible for me to pay it off. they are still deliberating with docmo because they might be asking him if i could have gotten treatment somewhere else. this medical bill is kinda of a mountain/hill that i have to face.

i’m also continuing in radiation treatment everyday so not only am i reminded of my cancer everyday, i’m getting fried in my leg and groin area. not only is there a chance of me becoming infertile but there is a slight chance that i can get cancer from the radiation treatment itself. here’s a little hill.

i don’t have a job and given the “recession”, i’m not sure how hard it will be to find a job. if i want to have a family, then i will need a job (at least i think in my limited thinking). if i can’t get a job, then it makes me feel less of a man.

with all this, i feel inadequate as a man before julia.

all of this (but not limited to) is the reason for my most recent depression.

at veritas last night, we finished john 10. i think the more i walk in my xtian life, the more i realize that God is in control and has everything in his hands - even before time began, his story was already written out for all of mankind and all of creation. so, why do i need to worry.

in john, it says that jesus is the good shepherd and his sheep hear his voice. they believe because they are his sheep. it doesn’t say that they are his sheep because they believe. ok, therefore, i was predestined to be part of his fold.

in ephesians paul talks about those that that were called and how God justified them and will glorify them. in between justification (ie. being made right) and being light jesus, is sanctification. i suppose that this life with all it’s struggles and trials is a huge fire for sanctification. i must admit, that these past few months, as hard as it’s been, has been the most sanctifying time of my life. still not like jesus tho. :) getting there as the bible states.

why is it that this xtian journey is a tumultuous one? i suppose it’s because God (the potter) is trying to undo all the insidiousness of sin AND the fact that satan, who is veritably caught in a corner, will do anything to lie, cheat, maim, kill, and destroy those God loves.

God, help me to have faith that you are working everything for the good of those who love you according to your purpose.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

3% done with radiation treatment

started my radiation therapy today.

only last 25 minutes or so. not looking forward to 6-7 more weeks of this but gotta zap the cancer away (along with healthy tissue/bone).

i know that God is with me. like, He showed me something that i would know was from Him. it's really comforting to know that He is with me.

may He be given all the glory!

life update #17

Dennis Yi
Mon, Jun 21, 2010 at 1:28 PM

howdy all from orange county

it's been a while since my last update so i'll bring ya'll up to speed as to what's been happening.

good news and prayers answered is that i got approved for financial aid in orange county! so, i'm really thankful to God (and for your heard prayers) for allowing this to happen so that i can get further treatment. it's definitely a load off for me and my family. :) once we got the application in, the whole process went quicker than the normal time it takes for someone to get approved. we also recently got approved for radiation treatment, so, God-willing, i'll be starting treatment this tuesday or wednesday and it will go on for 7 weeks (mon-fri). some side effects (which tend to arise after the 3rd week of radiation treatment)

been doing physical therapy a few times a week which has been helping me to loosen up my really stiff joints and weak muscles (mostly in my right leg). every time i go in for therapy, they start me on the stationary exercise bike and i thank God every time because He's allowed the PT to also be covered under the financial aid. it's weird, though, having to re-learn how to walk normally again and to re-gain certain muscle control that we don't even think about (under normal circumstances). i won't be playing any sports that require a lot of agility any time soon, but, good news is that i'll most likely be able to get back on my mountain bike in the future.

a couple weeks back, doc young, my radiation oncologist, said that there's a chance that i might become infertile after the radiation treatment because they'll be zapping my leg/pelvic area with x-rays for an extended amount of time. as a precaution, it was recommended that i go to a sperm bank to make a few deposits before the treatment. well, i did go and they did an analysis of my deposit during my first visit and it turns out that i have a low sperm count and of the sperm in that sample, most were inactive (sorry... tmi). this abnormal state could have been attributed to all the trauma that my body has undergone with all the scans and the two surgeries in that area or this could have been my natural condition all along.

the scientist dude at the bank said that if this condition persists, my future wife and i would most likely have to go through in-vitro fertilization to get pregnant. so, after discussing this with julia (we're not married yet, but, i hope we will be someday), we decided to forgo freezing my boys because the choice to doing in-vitro would compromise our personal convictions.

it was rather hard for both of us to accept the idea that we might not be able to have children by natural birth or even have the option.

however, i think julia and i have come to a point where we're continually trying to trust in God that he's working out the best for us (in this and all circumstances). AND, we still have hope of having our own kids because we've been and are both open to adoption (even before this most recent news).

God is still good and will always be.

i mentioned in my last email that God seems to be stripping away a lot of things in my current stage of life - my material possessions, my retirement, my health, my pride, and my future. again, my soul is laid bare. one might think that this state is dismal but it's actually ok, in fact, it's better than ok. i gotta tell you that when it's just you and God, there IS a sense of peace that can't be explained by our human understanding - because "peace" amidst dismal circumstances doesn't make any human sense.

thank you Jesus for allowing me access to this peace because you are the only way. thank you Holy Spirit for reminding and comforting me of this grace and peace so freely given to me even tho i'm undeserving.

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prayer requests
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that my cancer is completely eradicated from my body
that God's will be done in my life and those around me and in this world

thanks everyone for your prayers and support. can't do it with you!

with love
dennis :P

life update #17

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Mon, Jun 21, 2010 at 2:24 PM

sorry, some possible side effects from radiation treatment include but not limited to: fatigue, skin problems, swelling and other not so good things.

:P

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

posting old update

life update #16

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Thu, May 20, 2010 at 10:48 PM

howdy all

it's been a while since my last update. been rather anti-social (moreso than normal for that matter

). please forgive me. ayyy. i'll try to respond to emails and phone calls a little better in the future... maybe...

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to bring ya'll up to speed...
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had a consultation with the chemo oncologist at stanford on 5/10 (couple mondays ago) and she recommended (if i understood her correctly... i'm slow) not going through chemo now and just monitoring my condition to see if the cancer resurfaces at which point we would take action. not sure if i agree with her completely but she probably knows best (her reasons seem valid). so for now, not gonna go through chemo. will probably get a 2nd opinion though if i can soon. yah, i know, it sounds stupid that i would want chemo but i kinda just wanna kill this cancer with as much assuredness as possible.

had a consultation with the radiation oncologist at stanford on 5/17 (this past monday) and she recommended radiation for my right leg thigh area. the treatment would be 5 days/wk for 6-8 weeks and they would use x-ray radiation. however, once we found out how much it would cost (a lot) at stanford, we had to look into other options.

which leads me onto....

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financial aid journey
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(think we all know i shoulda got health insurance right after coming back from china... stupid me).

i was told that the newly passed federal health plan don't start until 2014... doh!   i'm sick NOW! :) i need a time machine...

i don't qualify for medi-cal because: i'm not over 65 and under 21; i don't have children; i am not going to be disabled for over a year (methinks); and i'm not pregnant (last time i checked). i also don't qualify for SSI for the same 'not being disabled for over a year' reason. does anyone wanna break my legs? j/k. they're practically broken already. :O (doubly horrible joke)

so, then i apply for a monterrey county financial aid program and they see my 401k and stocks. well, they see these as assets (which makes sense... i think). my assets amount to ~$27k pre-tax/pre-penalty. (NOTE: i also wanted to apologize and ask for forgiveness to you guys for not liquidating all this stuff before asking for donations. think it was wrong of me to not have done so. i think in my semi-skewed/selfish non-thinking (like didn't occur to me), i figured 401k is completely hands-off and i forgot about 1 of the 2 cisco stock plans that i had which was the bigger of the two. sorry sorry sorry! i'm bad!) after getting denied by the financial aid program, i liquidated my 401k and stocks but i still would have had to run through some other hoops to qualify (which weren't tooooo incredibly difficult) if i had decided to go with them....

we then looked into another financial aid program in orange county and the requirements didn't seem as strict (i hope they don't make me go through lotsa additional hoops during the interview like they have done in monterrey county). AND, one interesting thing to note is that orange county doesn't see the 401k as an asset. doh! oh well. bye bye retirement (what little i had). anyways, this program looks like a more feasible option for us than monterrey county (i hope).

sooooo,     got an interview with a financial aid person this upcoming monday (5/24) at 1pm and an appt to see a radiation oncologist tomorrow (friday) at 2pm for a 2nd opinion/consultation - both in orange county.

this journey has led us to the point where i'll be moving down to orange county soon (like tomorrow). will be back next week for a couple days for wednesday's (5/26) docmo appt where he'll check out the wound to make sure it's healed enough for radiation treatment.

hasta luego nor cal! (translated: see you later nor cal!)

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current physical condition
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i'm basically hobbling around with a cane now. my leg is still rather stiff but i'm able to putt around a little bit. can't drive yet tho! yarrr!

health is generally pretty good (minus the obvious ailment).

i have a desire to hike up mt whitney this year but we'll see if that comes into fruition depending on my recovery, but, i'm sure i'll be getting back to my non-skinny completely-msucular-self in no time!

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surprise
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oh yah, called stanford billing today and i found out that the 2nd surgery cost is a lot more than the ~$81k they made us put up front (which was an estimate anyways).

oy vey!!!!!!

got another stanford acct balance that's a few thousand and will rack up some more debt (least a couple thousand) with the xrays that need to be taken next week.

LORD HAVE MERCY!!!

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some thoughts and lessons
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i've been reminded that the peace that i have in a day is directly proportional to my time spent with God through reading of the word, prayer, and dialogue with Him. sometimes it's rough and depressing to think about the circumstances and life in general but spending time with God reminds me that He's in control and that i don't have to worry cuz he's looking out for me and my family and julia and friends.

think God is taking away everything from my life (which is kinda weird) to humble me and/or teach me that God alone is sufficient for me? haven't figured this one out yet completely tho.

interestingly enough, i think the most selfish i've been in my life is during this cancer. i think ya'll can say that it's ok to be selfish when you're sick but it's still unsettling to me. i honestly wish it weren't so - i'm sorta praying that i will love others more. dunno how jesus did it when faced with the cross - oh yah, he's awesome and the most selfless being to have walked this earth.

an awesome family i know just gave birth to their 2nd child. i had a chance to see the newborn and i was filled with joy because of this new life and gift from God. life (in the form of a baby) is truly a miracle. God-willing, i hope to have some of my own (as long as my own boys don't get zapped too much - which is a possibility...

). anyways, i digress... THANKS awesome family for letting me share in your joy!

been reminded that there is a time for everything - things are just a little out of general chronological order for me tho.

some friends and friends i've never met have mentioned that my faith is awesome and inspiring (which is an encouragement - don't get me wrong) but my faith would be nothing if i didn't have an AWESOME GOD! seriously, if i didn't have God's providence and Jesus' unconditional love/friendship, it woulda been so much harder and such a dark road to travel.

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prayer requests
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+ (immediate) that i qualify for the financial assistance program in orange county
+ (immediate) that we get enough funds to pay the remaining bills at stanford (won't even give you guys numbers anymore...)
+ (long-run) pray for peace in my family, julia, and friends
AND
+ (long-run) that God will be glorified in these current circumstances

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thank you God and everyone
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thanks for reading this far (for those that made it)

thanks everyone for all the encouragement and support and prayers!

thanks God for keeping me alive thus far!

with love
dennis

(see pic) check out my pimped out ride... got tennis balls and a chrome frame and rubber handles... oh yah!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

life can seemingly be dark and hopeless but it's all good, cuz God is with me so i will not worry

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

no reason not to be joyous

in light of the greatest gift given to me, salvation, everything pales in comparison:

blessings (ie. health, shelter, family, friends, significant other, employment) - salvation grants me something infinitely more valuable than the aforementioned - a relationship with the true and living God for all of eternity

afflictions (ie. disease, homelessness, anxiety, depression, sorrow, unemployment) - salvation saves me from something even more dire than the aforementioned - separation from the true and living God for all of eternity

praise be to Jesus for being the way, the truth, and the life

staples are out!

ahhhhhhhhh, it's so nice to not have millions of staples stapled to your body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

getting staples removed isn't so pleasant. in fact, it's downright painful!!!! ouch!!! i wouldn't recommend it. not fun!

cheers to a staple-free body!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

yay!

some friends sent me a care package yesterday and in it contained many goodies.

they also sent over a rubiks cube. i have one at home but it's at home (in OC). well, since i'm bed-ridden most of the day (practically all of it), i decided to give the rubiks another go.

with the handy cheat sheet that came with the cube, i went through each step and i can now say that i (sorta) know how to solve the bloody thing.

anyone with time to kill can learn the patterns and solve this thing.

it's beyond me how some people can solve the cube without the cheat sheet. the farthest i got (without hints) was two levels (and that was once in my life... not sure how i did it... luck, i think).

yay!

i think solving this cube has been the most productive thing i've done in the past 3 weeks or so. sad...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

so fresh and so clean clean

took a shower today after 2 weeks. feels good to be clean and not stinky. had to sit on an upside-down 5 gallon bucket - the only way to shower.

another important milestone experienced today is me being able to get off the bed and back onto it all by myself. i have to basically pick up my leg via grabbing my pants leg up near the knee area. the muscles in my right are still too weak to hold up the leg by itself for normal physical functions.

wish i were back to "normal"...

slowly but surely...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

latest email update

life update #15 (i need a haircut)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 4:08 PM

howdy!

i'm alive and sorta kicking!

just a few details during my surgery and recovery i wanted to share:

friday (4/16/2010)
   - got checked in at like 6am'ish and wrote some massive checks to cover the surgery costs
   - slipped into birthday suit and wore medical gown
   - was introduced to the anesthesiologist
   - wheeled into the operating room
   - was conscious during epidural (yes! men can get them too!)
   - got knocked out
   - ~7 hour surgery... weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!   (had like 8 units of blood transfused into my body - think that's a lot)
   - docmo said surgery was 98% successful (in my book, that's an A+.... but, i'm still curious to know what the 2% failure was...)

saturday (4/17)
   - woke up extremely groggy in the ICU at around 7am'ish to a tube in my mouth (felt as though i was choking)
   - still got epidural in my back (yay! no pain)
   - ate part of a hospital cheeseburger for lunch. wasn't that good. started eating somewhat regular after this point
   - get wheeled out of ICU into general hospital room
   - i'm super cranky!
   - thanks visitors!

sunday (4/18)
   - go epidural!!
   - thanks visitors!
   - i have to go pee reallllllllllly bad in the evening time. i eventually tell the nurse i have to go pee reallllllllly bad. when one has a catheter in their business, the pee gets drained automatically. however, after some investigation by the nurse, there was a kink in the bladder tube!!!!! i should sue that bladder bag company!!!! drained almost a liter of pee! yowza!

monday (4/19)
   - epidural is taken out! oh no! vicodin here i come!
   - vicodin wears off the first time i take it (thought i could take the pain, guess what, NOPE) and leg is on fire (kinda mild fire but ouch nonetheless). pop in a couple more vicodin on a more regular basis
   - thanks visitors!
   - haven't gone poo since friday morning so i'm bout to burst. nurse says wait til physical therapist comes by cuz they're wary of my low red blood cell count cuz i lost lotta blood. it's after 5pm and PT still hasn't shown up. they then say, ok, sit at the edge of the bed for a few minutes. done. now, sit on a chair for an hour or so. done. i use my walker to the toilet and for the life of me, i can't get the poo to come out. awwwwwww! i get up rather frustrated and after telling the nurse i'm finished with my failed attempt, i get up and use the walker. when i get to the doorway of the toilet closet, i start feeling light headed and next thing i know i'm on the ground. DOH! i sorta regain consciousness while on the ground and the nurses eventually get me back to the bed. first time i've ever fainted. not pleasant at all! was absolutely and completely helpless.

tuesday (4/20)
   - thanks visitors!
   - PT visits in the morning. i stand up from bed and i still feel very dizzy
   - i go poo later on. thanks God!
   - get discharged
   - get home in the evening

wednesday (4/21)
   - 12:15am, get a knock on my door and it's julia! thought i was dreaming. :)   she made a surprise visit from NY to spend a few days with me during recovery. thanks julia - awesome girlfriend!

thursday and on
   - recovery is slow and surely uncomfortable and slightly painful (definitely harder than the 1st tumor in the left leg)
   - been bed-ridden pretty much all day/everyday since surgery
   - been able to use a walker to walk to the living room and back to get some minimal exercise (today)
   - hopefully will be on crutches in a week or so (and will be for a month or so)

next monday (5/3)
   - post-op consultation with docmo. might take out staples
   - will get calls this week for consultations with oncologist and radiation doctors to see what type of treatment i need next (if any but most likely)

+++++++
gracias
+++++++

thanks everyone so much for your continued support through prayers, visits, food, encouraging emails, phone calls, letters, and finances!

++++++++++++++
random thoughts
++++++++++++++

+ i'm reminded again of my frailty. my body is so weak. i've now realized that i don't have 2 additional "manly" scars, but, 2 more reminders that i'm very weak.
+ by the grace of God, i'm still alive
+ life isn't always fun and normal :)
+ God is still God - sovereign and in control and good (even tho what i'm going through is seemingly bad)
+ i'm not a super-christian and my faith ISN'T that strong. i'm in need of jesus just as much (if not more) than the next person.

+++++++++++++
prayer requests
+++++++++++++

- pray for my family, julia, friends, and myself to become closer to God during this process (in understanding and intimacy of the true and living God)

think that's it for now.

love ya'll!
dennis

posting old updates

life update #14 (it's go time)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Thu, Apr 15, 2010 at 10:35 PM

hey all

headed to surgery tomorrow. got word this week that there was a chance that i could have surgery as early as friday.

well, it was confirmed this morning that friday was good and my family decided today to pay for the upcoming surgery (now $82k... OUCHIE!!!!!!).

cried a bit this morning but was comforted by the fact that God will never forsake me and i thank Jesus for that. i can't even imagine not having God around because it would honestly be so lonely and the despair would be unbearable i think.

surgery date: friday, 4/16/2010
time: 8am - 1~2pm
hospital stay duration: 4 nights (4/16-4/19)
surgeon: doctor david mohler   (<-- did a great job the first tumor surgery)
physicians assistant: linda jordon (<-- really cool lady, kinda has a 'motherly/caring' nature to her which is comforting to me, thanks God!)
location: stanford hospital

if you wanna visit and put up with my crankiness:
   you can visit: http://stanfordhospital.org/forPatients/visiting.html
      300 Pasteur Drive
      Stanford, CA 94305
   dunno what section i'll be in but i guess you can call the number and find out?

if you can't get any info from the number, i guess you can call my uncle : 831-320-6779
   or my mom: 949-412-0366

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
please pray that God would guide every step of the surgical process.

pray that there wouldn't be complications (ie. if sciatic nerve gets messed up, then i could lose sensation for some period of time or forever basically for everything below the knee).

pray that docmo doesn't forget to leave sponges inside of me... ;)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i'm not too scared (i think)... just not looking forward to the pain from having 2 big cuts to take out muscle and then bone transplant and metal installed in me. AYYYYYY!

ok, need some rest now.

with love
dennis

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

i'm tired

need jesus so much

the burden of my cancer isn't light

the burdens of my friends are sometimes even heavier

need jesus so much

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

posting old updates

life update #13 (i don't wanna be spiderman!)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 6:45 PM

hey ALL

++++++++++++
medical update
++++++++++++

please take a look at the attached picture named "dennis right leg.jpg". docmo drew a diagram of my leg on hospital bed paper and i added some info as to what's going on in my leg.

the pathology report from the biopsy said that the tumor in my right leg is a low-grade sarcoma (the same type in the tumor that was taken out of my left leg).

we don't know if the tumor in my left leg was a metastasis (ie. daughter cancer) from the tumor in my right leg or vice versa or if the two formed on their own.

i have a PET Scan scheduled for next tuesday, april 13th. we opted not to participate in the free PET Scan study which entails 3 PET Scans (i really only need one). getting 2 more would require 2 additional doses of radioactive tracer injections to highlight the cancer. dunno if these radioactive tracers are safe (whether short or long term) or not but we generally are uneasy about more injections than absolutely needed (plus, i don't wanna be spiderman

). so, i think we'll be paying around $4,500 out of pocket for the PET Scan (which is kinda ok cuz the local hospital near my uncle's house charges around $11k).

i think the current game plan is to wait on the PET Scan results, and if clear, then proceed with surgery which i'm guessing could be 2-4 weeks from now. if there are metastases in other areas of my legs or arms (or head), then we might need to do chemo first and then surgery.

we got an estimate as to how much this surgery round will cost and it's a doozy - a mere ~$55k. we have the option of going to a county hospital but my family thinks that docmo is the best in the area, so, we're gonna pay out of pocket. ouch.

we'll have to look into county programs if i have to go through chemo and/or radiation after surgery.

in my current state, i feel healthy and am healthy

(minus the cancer

) and starting to eat better as well (ie. less fast food AWWWWWWWWW ).

+++++++++++++++++
THIS PAST EASTER
+++++++++++++++++

God gave me the opportunity to share a bit of my story at the Easter services at Newsong church at Irvine, Ca.

you can watch if you got some time (~12 min)

i sincerely hope God was glorified and folks were encouraged somehow!

+++++++++++++++++
PRAYER REQUESTS
+++++++++++++++++

+ that God continue to bring LIFE even when death is apparent
+ that my family, julia, friends, and others would find peace and joy in Jesus
+ that God's will be done in these circumstances

++++++++++++
OTHER STUFF
++++++++++++

+ will probably open up donations again for the upcoming treatment (be on the lookout for an email) for those of you who want to donate (please don't feel obligated)

+ want to have another praise/prayer night again before surgery (will let you know furthers details later)

++++++++
GRACIAS
++++++++

THANK YOU all for your continued support through prayers and words of encouragement and finances. definitely makes this journey easier.

THANKS GOD for giving me peace through the ups and downs and allowing me to still be joyful

faith.hope.love
dennis

got a blog if you wanna check out (don't update much tho)

posting old updates

update #12 (cool opportunity)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Fri, Apr 2, 2010 at 11:26 PM

hey all

just a really quick update:

will be sharing a bit about my journey thus far at newsong church down in irvine saturday night and 3 services on sunday.

there might be a few thousand people coming this saturday and sunday so i hope people are encouraged somehow by God's goodness and my testament of it.

hope you can pray that God will be glorified as i speak from my heart.

with love
dennis

posting old updates

life update #11 (blank)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Tue, Mar 23, 2010 at 8:36 PM

hola everyone

++++++++++++
medical update
++++++++++++

went to see docmo yesterday. he took a look at the MRI and said that the cancer in my right leg is spread across several muscles (in the inner thigh area) and into some bone (versus my left leg tumor which was isolated in one hamstring muscle). i will most likely need to get surgery to remove the cancerous muscles but the sorta good news is that this excision will only really affect my ability to do certain things like riding horses (ie. no marriage proposals in knight's armor riding a horse... DOH!).

from what i understood, the cancerous bone part can be replaced with ?bone? or some type of metal (i'll be just like ROBOCOP ... DROP IT!).

he did an x-ray of the pelvic area and compared the x-ray image from a couple months ago and determined that there were no significant changes (a good thing).

he did a biopsy so that he can find out what kind of sarcoma this one is (and if it's the same as the one that was taken out in my left leg).

i have an appointment with him on march 31st (next wednesday, @ 11:45am) so that we can go over the pathology report from the biopsy and get recommendations for a game plan and an estimate as to how much this round of surgery and treatment is gonna cost.

docmo didn't mention anything about chopping off a leg so i suppose that's good! he also mentioned that the left leg wound and muscles are healing well. i still have NO PAIN in my body. THANKS GOD!

++++++++++++++++
provision from God
++++++++++++++++

i wanted to share a couple cool stories about God's provision:

   so, docmo suggested that i get a PET Scan done. basically, this type of Scan (similar to CT and MRI in diagnosing) is a full body scan that can detect cancer (amongst other things). i almost got one for the first tumor but it woulda cost like at least $11k (i think). so, we opted just for a CT scan of the chest and abdomen (a nominal $1,600). so, i got an MRI done on my right leg on 3/10/2010 (like two weeks ago). docmo and the nurse practioner, linda, said that a Dr. Andrei Laguru (at stanford) is heading up a study for PET Scans in patients with sarcoma. "We are offering this study to all of our sarcoma patients who are undergoing PET scans. The good news is that the study is at no cost to you. The study just opened up two weeks ago..." so, i'm waiting on the radiology department to call me up to schedule me for a free PET Scan (hopefully). THANKS GOD!

received a stanford refund check today because there was an overpayment (i think for my surgery). the check was for $9,239.92. will be using this for upcoming medical costs. THANKS GOD!

++++++++++++++
how am i feeling?
++++++++++++++

for the most part, little tired, but kinda neutral (not a bad thing i guess).

if i could give you guys an illustration of what this neutrality is like, i would describe it where i kinda feel like i am in a boat (small 2-man dingy). there seems to be a c-r-a-z-y storm going on cuz the dingy is violently rocking side to side, but, i'm not scared (like, i almost don't notice the dark tempest all around me with the rain pouring down and the water from the raging waves hitting my body and face). the reason that i don't acknowledge this storm of storms (even though it is obviously apparent) is because Jesus is in the boat with me (like i am sitting on the back seat/bench and he's on the front seat/bench and i can always see him).

i know Jesus is the son of God and can calm ANY storm with a slight motion of His hand or if he merely says the command, "BE STILL".

the thing about it is that, i am not necessarily asking Him to calm the storm.

perhaps king david sums up my sentiments (more or less) in part of his famous psalm:

       even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil for you are with me...

+++++++++++++++++
how is family feeling?
+++++++++++++++++

my mom and bro drove up this past sunday evening (from orange county) to my uncle's place. it's been good to see them.

my whole family is going through our ups and downs but for the most part, we're all trying to trust in God during this time and are as well as can be.

i think we've agreed that if the door opens at stanford to get the surgery there, then we'll probably go with that option because we believe that docmo is a good (if not the best) orthopedic oncologist in the bay area. at this point, if i were to go back home to orange county, we might have to restart the whole process of finding a good doctor.

++++++++++++
prayer requests
++++++++++++

please pray that i may be able to love God and love others with all i have
please continue to pray for my family, julia, friends, and friends of friends that there will be acknowledgment and rejoicing in Jesus

thanks so much for journeying with me thus far. :) appreciate all your love!

God is Good!
dennis

posting old updates

life update #10 (pretty sure i got cancer.... again)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 12:56 AM

hey all

thanks so much for all the support and prayers thus far! it's been good and i truly believe making this process easier.

anyhoo...

took an MRI test yesterday and got the results today. the report said that the lump in my right leg inner thigh area is most likely another sarcoma (ie. cancerous tumor).

have an appt with stanford on the 22nd to have a look at the MRI and more properly diagnose the lump. waiting on that office to get back to my request to get in sooner.

one thing to my advantage is that the previous chest/abdomen/pelvic bone/bone scan tests came up clear so that would mean that vital organs and bones are ok and that perhaps this lump is isolated (just like the one in the left leg was).

looking into a monterrey county hospital financial assistance program just to see what they can offer and plus, it don't hurt to apply.

cried a little bit throughout the day but just trusting that God is in control and that He's working out the best for everyone.

i've been meditating on john 11:
¹Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. ²This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. ³So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick." ⁴When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

it may be counter-intuitive but i have been feeling God's love more than normal throughout this whole process. it is also my hope that in my seemingly cruddy situation, Jesus may be glorified.

thanks for journeying with me thus far!

with love
dennis (sorry for not incorporating as much humor as the previous emails. not as chipper at the moment).

please pray for my family, julia, friends, and friends of friends that life would be invoked through my cancer.

posting old updates

life update #9 (round 2 - FIGHT!)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Wed, Mar 3, 2010 at 3:29 PM

howdy ALL,

went to stanford last monday. got my staples out. it hurt when the medical assistant took out the staples. ouch! docmo wasn't there so the resident told me to call back that wednesday to see what docmo wants to do in terms of treatment. i get a hold of the medical assistant a few days later and she tells me that docmo wants the wound and leg to heal as much as possible before they suggest any further treatment. so, gotta wait 6 weeks before i get any word of further treatment, but, from what i gathered from the nurse practitioner and the resident, i will only need to go through radiation treatment (if at all) and general surveillance.

so, i went to the physical therapist last friday and i wasn't expecting him to do any therapy that first visit. however, he got right to it after he told me to get on the bed thingy. MAN! physical therapy = HURT

. i was wincing in pain as he stretched my leg to positions that they couldn't stretch too. they should call it "physical pain-now therapy-in-the-long-run".

anyways, as the physical therapist was checking out my left leg, he then felt my right leg to compare the muscles. he was feeling around the muscles in my right leg and then he stopped in the inner thigh area. he kept on poking at this specific area and it started hurting cuz he kept on poking at it. well, it turns out that it's lump #2

(i guess my right leg got jealous

) this one is the size of a walnut (maybe little less). i don't know how long it's been there and this one is different cuz it kinda hurts when it's poked versus the tumor on my left leg where it didn't hurt at all.

after the physical therapy session, we head right on over to the general practitioner that we've been seeing for an unscheduled visit. so, at like 4:45pm (this past friday), i go to see this doc. by my request, he first examines the "spermatic cord abnormality" (ie. lump in left area of my groin) and he says it's an inflamed lymph node (which he thinks is normal considering i had a cancerous tumor in my left leg - so, up to today, 2 docs think it's a lymph node and 2 docs dunno... oh man!). he then feels the newly found lump in my right leg and after a few seconds, he says that i should see an oncologist as soon as possible (not only cuz it's a lump but also given that i had a tumor in my left leg already).

so, it's round 2 of, "what's this lump in my leg

". could be malignant but it also could be benign. we don't know yet.

i called yesterday and requested to see docmo for another consultation and the earliest they have an opening is march 22nd. i'm also currently on the waiting list for any cancelled appointments. i asked the general practitioner to fax over an urgent request to docmo's office to see if they can squeeze me in sooner. i'm also waiting on getting an MRI done for my right leg and possibly the smaller lump in the groin area (if the general practitioner thinks it wise to get a test done there too to see if it is in fact a lymph node and not another tumor).

i think it's good that the past test results showed that my chest, abdomen, pelvic area, and bones were observed to be free of metastases so that's a good thing to remember. so, hopefully the this lump is isolated in the right leg area. my brain might have a few lumps (which might explain my quirkiness). haha....

kinda is poo-poo (

) that i have to possibly go through another round of this stuff but, oh well, Papa has been good thus far and i know He will be no matter what.

if the lump is diagnosed as a malignant tumor, then i will most likely move back home to orange county to be with my mom and brother and to get treatment at a hospital down in southern california.

+++++++++++++++
lessons learned
+++++++++++++++
- reminded that my physical body is weak and i am not completely immune to disease/viruses
- that God has saved me from something even more dire, that is, eternal death. and this through faith in His son, Jesus Christ.

++++++++++++++++
prayer requests
++++++++++++++++
- that whatever happens in this cancer fight and other circumstances, i will still be able to rejoice in God because he is good
- that i may be able to love others to the end (whenever that is... hopefully ~40+ years later)

with love
dennis

posting old updates

life update #8 (multimedia extravaganza! almost like avatar)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 8:31 PM

ooh la la

http://www.vimeo.com/9535626

peace out,

dennis and julia

posting old updates

life update #7 (God is good)

Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>

Fri, Feb 12, 2010 at 2:47 AM

howdy all

+++++++++