latest email update

 
life update #15 (i need a haircut)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 4:08 PM
howdy! i'm alive and sorta kicking! just a few details during my surgery and recovery i wanted to share: friday (4/16/2010)    - got checked in at like 6am'ish and wrote some massive checks to cover the surgery costs    - slipped into birthday suit and wore medical gown    - was introduced to the anesthesiologist    - wheeled into the operating room    - was conscious during epidural (yes!  men can get them too!)    - got knocked out    - ~7 hour surgery... weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!   (had like 8 units of blood transfused into my body  - think that's a lot)    - docmo said surgery was 98% successful  (in my book, that's an A+.... but, i'm still curious to know what the 2% failure was...) saturday (4/17)    - woke up extremely groggy in the ICU at around 7am'ish to a tube in my mouth (felt as though i was choking)    - still got epidural in my back (yay! no pain)    - ate part of a hospital cheeseburger for lunch. wasn't that good. started eating somewhat regular after this point    - get wheeled out of ICU into general hospital room    - i'm super cranky!    - thanks visitors! sunday (4/18)    - go epidural!!    - thanks visitors!    - i have to go pee reallllllllllly bad in the evening time. i eventually tell the nurse i have to go pee reallllllllly bad. when one has a catheter in their business, the pee gets drained automatically. however, after some investigation by the nurse, there was a kink in the bladder tube!!!!! i should sue that bladder bag company!!!! drained almost a liter of pee! yowza! monday (4/19)    - epidural is taken out! oh no!  vicodin here i come!    - vicodin wears off the first time i take it (thought i could take the pain, guess what, NOPE) and leg is on fire (kinda mild fire but ouch nonetheless). pop in a couple more vicodin on a more regular basis    - thanks visitors!    - haven't gone poo since friday morning so i'm bout to burst. nurse says wait til physical therapist comes by cuz they're wary of my low red blood cell count cuz i lost lotta blood. it's after 5pm and PT still hasn't shown up. they then say, ok, sit at the edge of the bed for a few minutes. done. now, sit on a chair for an hour or so. done. i use my walker to the toilet and for the life of me, i can't get the poo to come out. awwwwwww! i get up rather frustrated and after telling the nurse i'm finished with my failed attempt, i get up and use the walker. when i get to the doorway of the toilet closet, i start feeling light headed and next thing i know i'm on the ground. DOH! i sorta regain consciousness while on the ground and the nurses eventually get me back to the bed. first time i've ever fainted. not pleasant at all!  was absolutely and completely helpless. tuesday (4/20)    - thanks visitors!    - PT visits in the morning. i stand up from bed and i still feel very dizzy    - i go poo later on.  thanks God!    - get discharged    - get home in the evening wednesday (4/21)    - 12:15am, get a knock on my door and it's julia! thought i was dreaming.  :)   she made a surprise visit from NY to spend a few days with me during recovery. thanks julia - awesome girlfriend! thursday and on    - recovery is slow and surely uncomfortable and slightly painful  (definitely harder than the 1st tumor in the left leg)    - been bed-ridden pretty much all day/everyday since surgery    - been able to use a walker to walk to the living room and back to get some minimal exercise (today)    - hopefully will be on crutches in a week or so (and will be for a month or so) next monday (5/3)    - post-op consultation with docmo. might take out staples    - will get calls this week for consultations with oncologist and radiation doctors to see what type of treatment i need next (if any but most likely) +++++++ gracias +++++++ thanks everyone so much for your continued support through prayers, visits, food, encouraging emails, phone calls, letters, and finances! ++++++++++++++ random thoughts ++++++++++++++ +  i'm reminded again of my frailty. my body is so weak. i've now realized that i don't have 2 additional "manly" scars, but, 2 more reminders that i'm very weak. +  by the grace of God, i'm still alive +  life isn't always fun and normal  :) +  God is still God - sovereign and in control and good  (even tho what i'm going through is seemingly bad) +  i'm not a super-christian and my faith ISN'T that strong. i'm in need of jesus just as much (if not more) than the next person. +++++++++++++ prayer requests +++++++++++++  - pray for my family, julia, friends, and myself to become closer to God during this process (in understanding and intimacy of the true and living God) think that's it for now. love ya'll! dennis

posting old updates

life update #14 (it's go time)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Thu, Apr 15, 2010 at 10:35 PM
hey all headed to surgery tomorrow. got word this week that there was a chance that i could have surgery as early as friday. well, it was confirmed this morning that friday was good and my family decided today to pay for the upcoming surgery (now $82k... OUCHIE!!!!!!).   cried a bit this morning but was comforted by the fact that God will never forsake me and i thank Jesus for that.  i can't even imagine not having God around because it would honestly be so lonely and the despair would be unbearable i think. surgery date:  friday, 4/16/2010 time:  8am - 1~2pm hospital stay duration:  4 nights  (4/16-4/19) surgeon:  doctor david mohler   (<--  did a great job the first tumor surgery) physicians assistant:  linda jordon  (<-- really cool lady, kinda has a 'motherly/caring' nature to her which is comforting to me, thanks God!) location:  stanford hospital if you wanna visit and put up with my crankiness:    you can visit:  http://stanfordhospital.org/forPatients/visiting.html       300 Pasteur Drive       Stanford, CA 94305    dunno what section i'll be in but i guess you can call the number and find out? if you can't get any info from the number, i guess you can call my uncle :  831-320-6779    or my mom:  949-412-0366 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ please pray that God would guide every step of the surgical process. pray that there wouldn't be complications (ie. if sciatic nerve gets messed up, then i could lose sensation for some period of time or forever basically for everything below the knee). pray that docmo doesn't forget to leave sponges inside of me...  ;) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ i'm not too scared (i think)... just not looking forward to the pain from having 2 big cuts to take out muscle and then bone transplant and metal installed in me. AYYYYYY! ok, need some rest now. with love dennis

i'm tired

need jesus so much

the burden of my cancer isn't light

the burdens of my friends are sometimes even heavier

need jesus so much

posting old updates

  life update #13 (i don't wanna be spiderman!)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 6:45 PM
hey  ALL ++++++++++++ medical update ++++++++++++ please take a look at the attached picture named "dennis right leg.jpg".  docmo drew a diagram of my leg on hospital bed paper and i added some info as to what's going on in my leg. the pathology report from the biopsy said that the tumor in my right leg is a low-grade sarcoma (the same type in the tumor that was taken out of my left leg). we don't know if the tumor in my left leg was a metastasis (ie. daughter cancer) from the tumor in my right leg or vice versa or if the two formed on their own. i have a PET Scan scheduled for next tuesday, april 13th. we opted not to participate in the free PET Scan study which entails 3 PET Scans (i really only need one). getting 2 more would require 2 additional doses of radioactive tracer injections to highlight the cancer. dunno if these radioactive tracers are safe (whether short or long term) or not but we generally are uneasy about more injections than absolutely needed (plus, i don't wanna be spiderman  ). so, i think we'll be paying around $4,500 out of pocket for the PET Scan (which is kinda ok cuz the local hospital near my uncle's house charges around $11k). i think the current game plan is to wait on the PET Scan results, and if clear, then proceed with surgery which i'm guessing could be 2-4 weeks from now. if there are metastases in other areas of my legs or arms (or head), then we might need to do chemo first and then surgery. we got an estimate as to how much this surgery round will cost and it's a doozy - a mere ~$55k. we have the option of going to a county hospital but my family thinks that docmo is the best in the area, so, we're gonna pay out of pocket. ouch.   we'll have to look into county programs if i have to go through chemo and/or radiation after surgery. in my current state, i feel healthy and am healthy  (minus the cancer  ) and starting to eat better as well (ie. less fast food  AWWWWWWWWW   ). +++++++++++++++++ THIS PAST EASTER +++++++++++++++++ God gave me the opportunity to share a bit of my story at the Easter services at Newsong church at Irvine, Ca. you can watch if you got some time (~12 min) i sincerely hope God was glorified and folks were encouraged somehow! +++++++++++++++++ PRAYER REQUESTS +++++++++++++++++ +  that God continue to bring LIFE even when death is apparent +  that my family, julia, friends, and others would find peace and joy in Jesus +  that God's will be done in these circumstances ++++++++++++ OTHER STUFF ++++++++++++ +  will probably open up donations again for the upcoming treatment (be on the lookout for an email) for those of you who want to donate (please don't feel obligated)  +  want to have another praise/prayer night again before surgery (will let you know furthers details later)   ++++++++ GRACIAS ++++++++ THANK YOU all for your continued support through prayers and words of encouragement and finances. definitely makes this journey easier.  THANKS GOD for giving me peace through the ups and downs and allowing me to still be joyful faith.hope.love   dennis                         got a blog if you wanna check out (don't update much tho)

posting old updates

update #12 (cool opportunity)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Fri, Apr 2, 2010 at 11:26 PM
hey all just a really quick update: will be sharing a bit about my journey thus far at newsong church down in irvine saturday night and 3 services on sunday. there might be a few thousand people coming this saturday and sunday so i hope people are encouraged somehow by God's goodness and my testament of it. hope you can pray that God will be glorified as i speak from my heart. with love dennis

posting old updates

life update #11 (blank)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Tue, Mar 23, 2010 at 8:36 PM
hola everyone ++++++++++++ medical update ++++++++++++ went to see docmo yesterday. he took a look at the MRI and said that the cancer in my right leg is spread across several muscles (in the inner thigh area) and into some bone (versus my left leg tumor which was isolated in one hamstring muscle). i will most likely need to get surgery to remove the cancerous muscles but the sorta good news is that this excision will only really affect my ability to do certain things like riding horses (ie. no marriage proposals in knight's armor riding a horse... DOH!). from what i understood, the cancerous bone part can be replaced with ?bone? or some type of metal (i'll be just like ROBOCOP ... DROP IT!). he did an x-ray of the pelvic area and compared the x-ray image from a couple months ago and determined that there were no significant changes (a good thing). he did a biopsy so that he can find out what kind of sarcoma this one is (and if it's the same as the one that was taken out in my left leg). i have an appointment with him on march 31st (next wednesday, @ 11:45am) so that we can go over the pathology report from the biopsy and get recommendations for a game plan and an estimate as to how much this round of surgery and treatment is gonna cost. docmo didn't mention anything about chopping off a leg so i suppose that's good! he also mentioned that the left leg wound and muscles are healing well. i still have NO PAIN in my body. THANKS GOD! ++++++++++++++++ provision from God ++++++++++++++++ i wanted to share a couple cool stories about God's provision:    so, docmo suggested that i get a PET Scan done. basically, this type of Scan (similar to CT and MRI in diagnosing) is a full body scan that can detect cancer (amongst other things). i almost got one for the first tumor but it woulda cost like at least $11k (i think). so, we opted just for a CT scan of the chest and abdomen (a nominal $1,600).  so, i got an MRI done on my right leg on 3/10/2010 (like two weeks ago). docmo and the nurse practioner, linda, said that a Dr. Andrei Laguru (at stanford) is heading up a study for PET Scans in patients with sarcoma.  "We are offering this study to all of our sarcoma patients who are undergoing PET scans.  The good news is that the study is at no cost to you.  The study just opened up two weeks ago..."  so, i'm waiting on the radiology department to call me up to schedule me for a free PET Scan (hopefully). THANKS GOD! received a stanford refund check today because there was an overpayment (i think for my surgery). the check was for $9,239.92. will be using this for upcoming medical costs. THANKS GOD! ++++++++++++++ how am i feeling? ++++++++++++++ for the most part, little tired, but kinda neutral (not a bad thing i guess). if i could give you guys an illustration of what this neutrality is like, i would describe it where i kinda feel like i am in a boat (small 2-man dingy). there seems to be a c-r-a-z-y storm going on cuz the dingy is violently rocking side to side, but, i'm not scared (like, i almost don't notice the dark tempest all around me with the rain pouring down and the water from the raging waves hitting my body and face). the reason that i don't acknowledge this storm of storms (even though it is obviously apparent) is because Jesus is in the boat with me (like i am sitting on the back seat/bench and he's on the front seat/bench and i can always see him). i know Jesus is the son of God and can calm ANY storm with a slight motion of His hand or if he merely says the command, "BE STILL". the thing about it is that, i am not necessarily asking Him to calm the storm. perhaps king david sums up my sentiments (more or less) in part of his famous psalm:        even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil for you are with me... +++++++++++++++++ how is family feeling? +++++++++++++++++ my mom and bro drove up this past sunday evening (from orange county) to my uncle's place. it's been good to see them. my whole family is going through our ups and downs but for the most part, we're all trying to trust in God during this time and are as well as can be. i think we've agreed that if the door opens at stanford to get the surgery there, then we'll probably go with that option because we believe that docmo is a good (if not the best) orthopedic oncologist in the bay area. at this point, if i were to go back home to orange county, we might have to restart the whole process of finding a good doctor. ++++++++++++ prayer requests ++++++++++++ please pray that i may be able to love God and love others with all i have please continue to pray for my family, julia, friends, and friends of friends that there will be acknowledgment and rejoicing in Jesus thanks so much for journeying with me thus far.  :)  appreciate all your love!     God is Good! dennis

posting old updates

life update #10 (pretty sure i got cancer.... again)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 12:56 AM
hey all thanks so much for all the support and prayers thus far! it's been good and i truly believe making this process easier. anyhoo... took an MRI test yesterday and got the results today. the report said that the lump in my right leg inner thigh area is most likely another sarcoma (ie. cancerous tumor). have an appt with stanford on the 22nd to have a look at the MRI and more properly diagnose the lump. waiting on that office to get back to my request to get in sooner. one thing to my advantage is that the previous chest/abdomen/pelvic bone/bone scan tests came up clear so that would mean that vital organs and bones are ok and that perhaps this lump is isolated (just like the one in the left leg was).  looking into a monterrey county hospital financial assistance program just to see what they can offer and plus, it don't hurt to apply. cried a little bit throughout the day but just trusting that God is in control and that He's working out the best for everyone. i've been meditating on john 11: 1Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. 3So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."     4When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." it may be counter-intuitive but i have been feeling God's love more than normal throughout this whole process. it is also my hope that in my seemingly cruddy situation, Jesus may be glorified. thanks for journeying with me thus far! with love dennis  (sorry for not incorporating as much humor as the previous emails. not as chipper at the moment).  please pray for my family, julia, friends, and friends of friends that life would be invoked through my cancer.

posting old updates

life update #9 (round 2 - FIGHT!)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Wed, Mar 3, 2010 at 3:29 PM
howdy ALL, went to stanford last monday. got my staples out. it hurt when the medical assistant took out the staples. ouch! docmo wasn't there so the resident told me to call back that wednesday to see what docmo wants to do in terms of treatment. i get a hold of the medical assistant a few days later and she tells me that docmo wants the wound and leg to heal as much as possible before they suggest any further treatment. so, gotta wait 6 weeks before i get any word of further treatment, but, from what i gathered from the nurse practitioner and the resident, i will only need to go through radiation treatment (if at all) and general surveillance. so, i went to the physical therapist last friday and i wasn't expecting him to do any therapy that first visit. however, he got right to it after he told me to get on the bed thingy. MAN! physical therapy = HURT. i was wincing in pain as he stretched my leg to positions that they couldn't stretch too. they should call it "physical pain-now therapy-in-the-long-run". anyways, as the physical therapist was checking out my left leg, he then felt my right leg to compare the muscles. he was feeling around the muscles in my right leg and then he stopped in the inner thigh area. he kept on poking at this specific area and it started hurting cuz he kept on poking at it. well, it turns out that it's lump #2 (i guess my right leg got jealous  ) this one is the size of a walnut (maybe little less). i don't know how long it's been there and this one is different cuz it kinda hurts when it's poked versus the tumor on my left leg where it didn't hurt at all. after the physical therapy session, we head right on over to the general practitioner that we've been seeing for an unscheduled visit. so, at like 4:45pm (this past friday), i go to see this doc. by my request, he first examines the "spermatic cord abnormality" (ie. lump in left area of my groin) and he says it's an inflamed lymph node (which he thinks is normal considering i had a cancerous tumor in my left leg - so, up to today, 2 docs think it's a lymph node and 2 docs dunno... oh man!). he then feels the newly found lump in my right leg and after a few seconds, he says that i should see an oncologist as soon as possible (not only cuz it's a lump but also given that i had a tumor in my left leg already). so, it's round 2 of, "what's this lump in my leg". could be malignant but it also could be benign. we don't know yet. i called yesterday and requested to see docmo for another consultation and the earliest they have an opening is march 22nd. i'm also currently on the waiting list for any cancelled appointments. i asked the general practitioner to fax over an urgent request to docmo's office to see if they can squeeze me in sooner. i'm also waiting on getting an MRI done for my right leg and possibly the smaller lump in the groin area (if the general practitioner thinks it wise to get a test done there too to see if it is in fact a lymph node and not another tumor). i think it's good that the past test results showed that my chest, abdomen, pelvic area, and bones were observed to be free of metastases so that's a good thing to remember. so, hopefully the this lump is isolated in the right leg area. my brain might have a few lumps (which might explain my quirkiness).  haha.... kinda is poo-poo () that i have to possibly go through another round of this stuff but, oh well, Papa has been good thus far and i know He will be no matter what. if the lump is diagnosed as a malignant tumor, then i will most likely move back home to orange county to be with my mom and brother and to get treatment at a hospital down in southern california. +++++++++++++++ lessons learned +++++++++++++++   -  reminded that my physical body is weak and i am not completely immune to disease/viruses   -  that God has saved me from something even more dire, that is, eternal death. and this through faith in His son, Jesus Christ. ++++++++++++++++ prayer requests ++++++++++++++++   -  that whatever happens in this cancer fight and other circumstances, i will still be able to rejoice in God because he is good   -  that i may be able to love others to the end (whenever that is... hopefully ~40+ years later) with love dennis

posting old updates

life update #8 (multimedia extravaganza! almost like avatar)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 8:31 PM
ooh la la http://www.vimeo.com/9535626 peace out, dennis and julia

posting old updates

life update #7 (God is good)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Fri, Feb 12, 2010 at 2:47 AM
howdy all +++++++++ latest news +++++++++ called the nurse practitioner at the orthopedic group in stanford hospital to check up on the results of the biopsy of the tumor. results of the pathology report:   1)  the tumor was of low-grade malignancy (cancerous)   2)  clean margins meaning of the results:   1)  the cancer cells aren't highly aggressive   2)  the healthy tissue surrounding the tumor is clear of cancer i think this doesn't exactly mean that i'm completely free of cancer but it's a decent sign that i am. PRAISE GOD! ++++++++ next steps ++++++++   1)  got a follow-up consultation (feb 22) with docmo to get the staples removed (all 50 million of them)   2)  discuss what treatment (if at all) i need to go through based upon the nurse's experience and her understanding of my tumor in addition to the info pathology report, she says i might just need to go under general surveillance of the area (ie. occasional MRI) and/or possibly radiation to make sure they zap all the cancer cells in the area. she didn't mention any chemo!  (praying that i don't have to undergo this kind of treatment!) however, need to wait on docmo for his authoritative say in what kind of treatment i will undergo (he's in burma doing something?). +++++++ recovery +++++++ recovery has been slow. i was discharged from the hospital the day after surgery and the only pain medication that i took was 2 extra strength tylenol. THANKS GOD!  i got home and had to use a walker for a couple days and i only took 2 extra strength tylenol not for pain, but for a small headache that i had. THANKS GOD! been hobbling around the house without the walker past few days and i think the muscles around the extracted muscle (with tumor) are working double time and they're a bit sore along with the joints. but, hopefully the muscles will heal soon and i'll be walking more normally sooner than later. ++++++ thanks ++++++ thanks for all the support and prayers and love poured out on me, julia, and my family thus far! it's been a real blessing and i'm truly thankful to have such great family and friends journeying with me and fighting this cancer with me. i'm thankful to God most of all cuz He knocked the cancer out and won the battle. He made it somewhat "easy" for me in getting all the tests done, scheduling the appointments, raising funds, getting me to a good surgeon, allowing a near painless recovery, and rounding it up with a promising result. i'll probably send up another followup update email or two after this one but i think we're over the hump!  :)    THANKS JESUS! HALLELUJAH! with much love, dennis

posting old updates

life update #6 (judo chopped >> cancerous tumor)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Fri, Feb 5, 2010 at 9:24 PM
howdy all i'm sitting right now on a well-padded couch in my uncle's living room with my family. however, i'm kinda tilted to the right cuz the incision was from my butt to the back of my left knee  (= manly scar, OH YAH!!). the time that i was in pre-operation prep (ie. getting info for anesthesia, etc) was one where i really felt at peace - wasn't too nervous or scared. thank you for your prayers. i can't say that i've ever REALLY felt such peace as that through prayers before, so, i believe it was peace through the Holy Spirit that kept me relaxed before surgery. the anesthesiologist drugged me up with some buzz-drug to relax my nerves as they wheeled me into the operating room. they got me ready on the bed. i then inhaled some stuff through this oxygen max and then i tasted/smelled this chemical and then i woke up in the recovery room. woke up all groggy and had dry mouth. felt some pain but it wasn't unbearable (like 4 of 10 on pain scale). stayed the night in the hospital room and had some visitors which enlivened my spirit. got discharged this morning as there was minimal bleeding from the wound. THANKS to God for a good surgery and minimal pain thereafter - like i only feel tightness and a little soreness in my wound. i can immediately start walking a little and i should be walking sorta ok after a week. i can eat anything and can start showering tomorrow. this has been an "easy" process so far. God only gives you what you can handle and i think this "easy" tumor was all that i can handle (cuz i'm pretty weak). gonna wait on the 2nd biopsy (of the extracted tumor) to see if i need any further treatment (ie. radiation/chemo). God-willing, won't have to do any further treatment. anyways, thanks to God and thank ya'll for your love so far! dennis

posting old updates

life update #5 (judo chop >> cancerous tumor)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Wed, Feb 3, 2010 at 11:14 PM
howdy all thanks again for all the support thus far! been really encouraging.  :P ++++++++++ quick update ++++++++++ was a little flustered this morning cuz we found out this morning that the surgery would cost more than we thought so there was a bit of hesitation going on to proceed with the surgery or to go through other options as we were denied financial assistance. in the end, my uncle ended up laying down a fatty check (thanks uncle) so that i could get the tumor out as soon as possible. i recount this story in a light tone but it was a tough time where emotions were kinda running high and i just had to trust in God that everything was going according to His purpose - it was clearly out of my hands. so, going in for surgery tomorrow at 9:15am at stanford. gonna get knocked out and the surgery is gonna take 1.5 hours. think it'll be a straightforward surgical procedure and i might not need to stay the scheduled full day in the hospital. i should be able to walk normally (i think i remember docmo saying). not looking forward to the ouchyness after the anesthesia wears off - here we come pain killers! i'll also have this manly scar after everything is said and done too. visiting hours:  think i'd be ok for visits from like 4pm til 8pm (might be cranky and out of it... heads up).  you should call my bro, brian, at 949-636-1674 to see if i'm still in the hospital room as i could be discharged early (if docmo says ok and i'm feeling ok). hospital directions hospital campus map linky (pdf)  --> i'll be in the "STANFORD ADVANCED MEDICINE CENTER (CANCER CENTER)", left of the "patients and visitors parking" lot +++++++++++++++++ results of recent tests:  +++++++++++++++++ + biopsy - had some weird scientific jargon i didn't understand of what types of tumor cells they were. docmo said they would do another biopsy on the extracted tumor to find out exactly what cancer cells are in the tumor. +  x-ray - didn't reveal much other than confirming soft tissue sarcoma. suggested getting an MRI (which i already did). +  bone scan - no osseus metastases  (no spread of cancer to bones). thanks God! ++++++ lessons ++++++ it's a weird feeling to be helpless. i think i've somewhat had control over what's been going on in my life thus far (or at least after high school) but it's like, now, i'm at the complete mercy of God through family and friends in providing funds/prayers/support. it doesn't feel good to be vulnerable (pride? i dunno). a humbling reminder that i CANNOT do this alone. it's like virtually impossible to journey in this life alone. goin to sleep as i gotta wake up at 5am to get ready to get chopped up. uh oh! love ya'll. God is Good! dennis  :)

posting old updates

life update #4 (cancer shmanzer)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Sun, Jan 31, 2010 at 4:09 AM
hey folks, ++++++++++++ quick update ++++++++++++ went to get a bone test friday. they injected me with this goop in the morning and i had to wait 3 hours for the goop to settle into areas of my bones that could possibly be cancerous/damaged (that's what this test is for). went for lunch and had a big ole burrito at chipotle and then dropped off a financial assistance application and then went back for them to take a scan of my bones. took like an hour for the scan as they took different pictures of my bones. a random thought came to mind on this last bone scan: laying down on the bed for all these different types of scans, i feel like i'm in a star wars medical lab or something. my mom has been making these juice/veggie blended concoctions. one of them that she has been making recently consists of: pieces of cauliflower, broccoli, beet, and carrot and then blended into some black rasberry juice. it's thick but healthy... i think. i basically grew up on fast food so now that i have cancer, i can't help but think that fast food contributed to my current medical condition. i dunno. just some thoughts. gonna try and cut back and start eating healthy now. the keyword is "try" cuz i love processed food. ++++++++ low down ++++++++ so here is the low down. i was made aware that the approval (or not) for the financial assistance application is taking on average of approximately 3-4 weeks processing time. however, i actually got a call from the dude in charge of my file the same day (thanks God!). he wasn't calling to approve/reject my application but he basically asked me what i was looking for in coverage and i told him that i was just looking for as much financial assistance that i could get (as he is aware that i am uninsured and trying to finish my masters at sjsu). if approved, i could get a greater discount (more than the 40% uninsured rate that i'm currently getting), OR no interest payment plans, OR even up to 80-100% of the costs of treatment to be covered. just to give you an idea, with the 40% uninsured rate, i had to pay $480 for just docmo's initial consultation and $1600 for the nuclear medicine bone scan. it'll probably be MUCHO more money for the inpatient care, surgery, outpatient care, and the possible chemo/radiation. anyways, he basically stated the criteria for which they financially assist folks are: +++++( excerpt from financial assistance application )++++++ ... our first priority is to assist those who have had emergency services. Next, is to assist those who have had or will have medically necessary non-emergency services falling within either of the following two categories:  Category 1: Stanford Hospital & Clinics or Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital is the closest hospital to the patient’s home or place of work; or  Category 2: Stanford Hospital & Clinics or Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital is not the closest hospital to the patient’s home or place of work but one or more of the following factors apply:  (a) The patient has a unique or unusual condition which requires treatment at Stanford Hospital & Clinics or Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital as determined by the Chief Quality and Medical Information Officer of SHC or the Chief Medical Officer of LPCH.  (b) The patient’s care would further the institutions teaching mission as determined by the Chief Quality and Medical Information Officer of SHC or the Chief Medical Officer of LPCH .  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ so, i am pretty sure that i don't exactly fit any of these criteria (i guess my cancer is not considered an "emergency" - i'm not saying this out of bitterness but just saying how it is). i also know that i don't personally have enough money to cover this cancer treatment. i don't know how much it could all cost (i left a message with the surgery scheduler asking her for a ballpark estimate and will hopefully find out soon). the financial dude asked me if i have any "options" basically in getting money. i told him, "i guess". i could have said "no", but, really, who doesn't have "options"? i mean, if someone has family and friends, then asking them i guess is an "option" - not exactly guaranteed tho. i told him this cuz i didn't want to lie (as i ultimately am responsible to God in trying to live what i believe is an upright life) and he said try and find out from them first. thus, the plan is to ask ya'll first for donations, and bring whatever this dollar amount figure is to this financial dude and ask for financial assistance for the remainder of the costs for the whole treatment (if there is a remainder). i think, then, i will be right before God in the sense that i at least "asked" family and friends and therefore did my part. another less-desired option (not to say that it will be bad) is to go through a county hospital (a friend gave me the contact for a financial counselor at valley medical hospital in santa clara county in nor cal. thanks God!). they have programs (if i qualify) where low-income folk (like me) can get treated for a realllllyy minimal cost. sweet! however, it would be my desire to get treated at stanford by docmo cuz he is, after all, a specialist in dealing with cancerous muscle tumors and i am not completely sure if there are other doctors in the nor cal area as qualified or experienced as he is in this field. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ job requisition - "LetsBuyDennisSomeMoreTime_FUND" finance manager ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ does anyone wanna volunteer to be my finance person for the "LetsBuyDennisSomeMoreTime_FUND"? (<--i just made that up - such a fund does not exist yet... haha). looking for someone who knows what they're doing in finance stuff (like it's their profession or they're pretty good at it)? i barely know how to balance a checkbook. i have no idea but i was thinking of: + creating a bank account? + setting up the reception of donations (ie. physical address or electronic)? + finding out about tax-implications (if at all) from donators (senders) and for me(dennis - receiver)?  + ?????? +  ??? ^^^^ i should seriously be in human resources cuz i ROCK at writing requisitions! i also want to ask for a volunteer because i don't know what i'm doing and i also want financial accountability (ie. me not running off to Aruba (wherever that is) and gambling it all on hermit crab races). +++++++++++++++++++++++ realistic implications? +++++++++++++++++++++++ ok, so, surgery is scheduled on thursday, feb 4th. have pre-op info session on wednesday, feb 3rd. (ie. in a few days). setting up the "LetsBuyDennisSomeMoreTime_FUND" and actually receiving donations might take a day or few starting from ... monday? so there might be a chance that i will have to postpone my surgery cuz i can't get the initial funds in time for the surgery and associated inpatient care costs. this isn't that big of a deal for me cuz i've had this tumor for a year and i don't think a little more time will be too much trouble...  :) +++++++++++++ last thoughts +++++++++++++ i accidentally put the whole email list in the "TO:" form of the email instead of "BCC:". oh well. but, please do NOT "REPLY ALL" unless you get permission from me. long email, huh? it's pretty hard for me to ask for help but i guess i have no choice now.  :)   and i am learning that it's good to receive love from family and friends (in whatever form that may be).  :P thanks everyone for your prayers and support thus far and encouraging emails. means A LOT! it's good to know i'm not alone in this battle. thankful to jesus for salvation as i know where i am going if i die. thankful to the Holy Spirit for guiding my decisions thus far and keeping me on the righteous path. thankful to God for his good and perfect will. God is GOOD! love, dennis  :)

posting old updates

life update #3 (cancer, etc)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Fri, Jan 29, 2010 at 9:01 AM
ni hao! sorry again peeps for not emailing or calling back or flaking or not picking up the phone when i see your number on caller id  (haha)     forgive me! i'll try and get back to ya'll someday...  (haha) it's honestly been (at times) overwhelming with everything that has been going on almost everyday of this week: doctors consultations, MRI, ctscan, x-ray, blood test, financial assistance research/applying, emailing, scheduling appointments, and meeting up with friends. however, i thank God for everything kinda going pretty smoothly thus far in terms of getting tests done and the scheduling to see docs and surgery. i thank God for friends too. ++++++++++ quick update ++++++++++ so, stanford called me up tuesday afternoon and scheduled me to see Dr. Mohler (an orthopedic oncologist) wednesday morning. praise God for setting it up so quickly. the doc said that it was his opinion that the lump was in fact a sarcoma (malignant cancerous tumor). so, they did a biopsy yesterday and sent the sample to the pathologist. they'll see what kind of sarcoma it is and based upon how aggressive or more aggressive the sarcoma is, they might start chemo first (to shrink the tumor) and then surgery OR surgery first and then possibly chemo/radiation. however, they still scheduled me for surgery to excise the tumor on february 4th anyways (that is if i can get all the finance stuff settled which i don't think will be a problem, God-willing). good news! the ctscan results for my chest and abdomen area came in and the radiologist dude's conclusion was that there was no cancer metastasis (ie. cancer that has spread). PRAISE JESUS! docmo, with his dry humor, also said that i picked a good spot for my tumor to be in because it's kinda smack in the middle of the my hamstring muscle (ie. near the skin and kinda further away from the bone). the tumor is also away from the sciatic nerve and other nerves and also away from any major artery. so, PRAISE JESUS! docmo (short for dr. mohler) requested an x-ray for the pelvic region and then a nuclear medicine bone test thingy (i guess to see if the cancer metastasized to my bones and/or pelvic region). going for the bone test today (friday, 1/29). also got a lump thingy near my groin (don't think it's related to my cancer). docmo requested that a urologist check it out as he thought it was some sort of 'spermatic chord abnormality'.  sorry, might be TMI  (too much information) for ya'll.  well, i'm all about transparency so since you already know about my cancer....  might as well get completely naked (figuratively speaking, of course). btw, thanks everyone for all the info (ie. health-related and finance stuff). been really helpful. i think some of ya'll wanna know how you can love me. need to think about it and will send out info in the next email update. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ things i've been learning  (thanks Holy Spirit!) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ i'm not jesus but definitely human. i want to love as many folks as possible by meeting up or just talking but i simply can't. i just don't wanna love sometimes and can't love so many people.  i'm a pretty emotionally/mentally/spiritually weak/sinful person. i seriously don't know how jesus did what he did, oh wait, he was GOD.  :) also, think i was rather prideful in the way that i asked ya'll to pray for the lost/sick/poverty-stricken as well - thinking that i didn't need ur prayers. oh well, good to be humbled. hope you can still pray for the aforementioned groups tho cuz that's where my heart is (sometimes). been realizing (more so) the need for friends - that this life and its trials are easier to get through when yah got buddies to journey with.  thx! +++++++++++ prayer request +++++++++++ through the friendly suggestions of several of you, i've decided i kinda wanna live so i can love others more (one amongst many being a special girl(friend) in new york). so, i don't wanna leave you guys just yet (up to God tho). uhhhh, so i humbly ask for your prayers again. pray that i gain some healthy weight before/if i go through chemo. i'm not sure if one loses weight during chemo treatment but i think one would and i am pretty slender as is.  :O since i'm not jesus and now realize that my faith/strength/(everything about me) are weak, still need ur prayers to stay strong and contend for life. i might be sorta at peace now, but, several friends told me that chemo is realllllly rough. not looking forward to that if i have an aggressive cancer and not sure of how "at peace" i'll be during those times... :O pray for mom. if i were parent, it would be hard to imagine losing a child before i passed away. my mom's faith is strong in the Lord but i'm sure she's going through a little bit of struggle (hasn't exactly verbalized it to me tho). pray for family and friends. continue to pray for julia too. she's awesome and been a great source of strength/support for me even tho it's been tough for her. continue to pray that God be glorified through all of this. ++++++++++ praise night? ++++++++++ for my nor cal buddies, wanna do a praise / prayer night. anyone in the san jose area who has a big living room wanna host? i was thinking tuesday night (feb 2nd) for a small get together. the day before supposed pre-operation stuff at stanford. +++++++ ok dok +++++++ thanks for the prayers and encouraging emails and help thus far. please KEEP EM COMING as i have been reading the emails (but not responding... ayyyy). you guys are SOOO COOOOL! God is GOOD! dennis

posting old updates

life update #2 (still pretty sure i got cancer)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Tue, Jan 26, 2010 at 1:41 PM
howdy howdy, sorry i haven't been able to get back to most emails and some phone calls/txt messages. i'll try and get to them when i can  (hehe). ++++++++++ quick update ++++++++++ went to the orthopedic doctor yesterday morning and he took a look at the MRI and agreed that the images were most likely that of a 'soft tissue sarcoma'. he then said that he wasn't the best dude to help me out so he referred me to a Dr. Mohler at Stanford in northern california. this doc is an orthopedic (ie. bone/muscle) oncology (ie. tumor) specialist. waiting on his office to call me up for a consultation. went to a general surgeon doctor this morning for a second opinion. it was good. he seemed pretty logical and objective in his problem solving methodology - which i liked. we're at the gathering information stage so i have a ctscan (chest/abdomen) this afternoon at 2pm (PST). the ctscan will be used to find out if the possible cancer has metastasized to other areas of my body. i'm also waiting on the surgeon's office to schedule an appt for a biopsy for this friday. the purpose of the biopsy is to get a sample of my tumor to be sent to a pathologist to determine what kinda of sarcoma it is (i think also to surely confirm it is a sarcoma) and then a proper treatment can be determined. he also said that the chances are small that i would lose my left leg. however, i might have issues walking "normally" cuz a somewhat decent chunk of my muscle is gonna be removed. maybe i'll be able to walk like john travolta in that stayin alive movie (the name escapes me).  :) ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ i would also humbly ask that with the energy that you have been praying for me and any healing, that you divert some (or all) of it for the lost/sick/poverty-stricken in this world. i have salvation in jesus - the greatest gift that anyone could receive in this lifetime (even tho i'm absolutely undeserving) and i am fine with whatever happens. i am not scared of dying or living. if i die, then i can go home and be with jesus. sooooooOOOO AWESOME! if i live, then i can go try and love people some more. not as AWESOME but pretty close! thank you all for your support. it's been really overwhelming to hear all the offers for different kinds of support. and yah, you guys can share these emails for those who've asked. God is Good! dennis  :P

posting old updates

life update #1 (pretty sure i got cancer)

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Dennis Yi <dennis.k.yi@gmail.com>	Mon, Jan 25, 2010 at 2:03 AM
dear family and friends, grace and peace to you all from Jesus Christ. here are some topics that might/might not answer some of the questions you may have: +++++++++++ background? +++++++++++ 1/15 (fri) - told mom, while i was still in orange county, that i wanted to get a lump checked out. it's like the size of a smushed baseball in the hamstring area of my left leg. think i first noticed it a while back (a year? i dunno. yes, i'm not too smart putting it off...) and i finally decided to get it checked out. couldn't get a last minute appointment so drove up to my uncle's place as i was gonna drive up to live there to try and finish my masters anyways at san jose state university. 1/19 (tues) - went to a general doctor and he checked out the lump. he immediately requested an MRI to be done for fear of what he thought it could be. he made an appt for the following wednesday for review of the MRI results. 1/21 (thurs) - got an MRI done. had to wait til next wednesday for a review. 1/22 (fri) - went to the beach to spend alone time with God and when i got back home, there was a message from my uncle to call the general doctor. i called the general doctor and he said that he got the results from the MRI and wanted to call me immediately cuz his fear came into fruition. he said the MRI report said that the lump (think i remember him saying it was 12x4x4cm) was most likely a "soft tissue sarcoma". some info: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Sites-Types/soft-tissue-sarcoma 1.  What are soft tissue sarcomas? 2.  Sarcomas are malignant (cancerous) tumors that develop in tissues which connect, support, or surround other structures and organs of the body. http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_3X_How_is_sarcoma_staged_38.asp "The 5-year survival rate refers to the percentage of patients who live at least 5 years after their cancer is diagnosed." think i am in stage III, so looks like i have a ~50%? chance of surviving 5 years (if i go through treatment). +++++++++++ next steps? +++++++++++ was gonna try and finish my masters (in EE) at san jose state (starting this tuesday, 1/26) but kinda now on the fence. i'm leaning on continuing with the program. whether i finish is up to Papa. have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor tomorrow morning at 11:15am (monday, 1/25) and we'll discuss options. i'm guessing surgery and then i think i'll need to talk to an oncologist for chemo and/or radiation treatment. not sure if i'll stay up in the bay area (currently staying at my uncle and aunt's place near salinas) or head back to orange county (LA) for treatment. i'm leaning towards the bay area cuz i got mo friends here.  :)   sorry southern cali buddies.  :O    j/k. logically speaking, i guess i have to go where the treatment is better. ++++++++++++ spiritually? ++++++++++++ i am not mad at God. my spirit is relatively at peace with the whole thing. this is all obviously a part of His good will, so, i just have to take it day by day and trust in Him. ++++++++++++ emotionally?  ++++++++++++ had spurts of crying past few days. not so much from fear but possibly from shock but more from the possibility of not being able to love people more and prospects of the ensuing pain in family and friends. +++++++++++ physically? +++++++++++ i feel no pain. there is only a slight muscle tightness when i walk. ++++++++++++ financially? ++++++++++++ i haven't had health insurance since i left my job at cisco in 2007. don't have a job now. :)  too lazy/cheap to have signed up (my not too smartness... again). i got some savings/some 401k/some cisco stocks. my family will be there with funds, plus, God's bank account is limitless. +++++++++ mentally?  +++++++++ pretty stable i'd say. ++++++++++++++++++ purpose of it all? ++++++++++++++++++ not exactly sure. i think if there was anything that would wake me up to start "living", it would be something like cancer. hasn't really woken me up too much tho.  ;)  we'll see what God tries to say to me/you/everyone through this. i would love to hear from you to see if God does speak to you in any way. ++++++++++++++++ prayer requests?  ++++++++++++++++ i would humbly ask that you please pray for my girlfriend, julia. i thank God for every minute that i've had getting to know her.  given these new circumstances, i've given her the option to be released of our relationship and/or even friendship (i know...  sounds dramatic).  :)  please don't think any less of her if she chooses this route because she's gone through a lot in her past and i don't want her to have to go through any more pain than she needs to. she is beautifully imperfect (as we all are). i would humbly ask that you pray that the Holy Spirit works in my family and friends who receive this email to invoke life. i would humbly request that you pray that God be glorified through this all. +++++++ thanks! +++++++ i'll keep ya'll updated. in His love, dennis   :)